Something happened three days ago, in the afternoon. It was quite unexpected, inexplicable, from nowhere. I began to feel a sense of urgency. I began to feel like change was coming. For the first time in a year, I felt like there was a deadline for this period of my life, an ending.
To me, that means I need to write as many stories as I can about what it was like to be concussed this past year. I need to put words to my experience, take the time to reach back and back to remember what being mentally damaged was like, tie things up with a string so I feel like I have done what I can do.
It makes sense, in a way. Right now, I am straddling two worlds – the world of the injured, and the world of the functional. Mary and I went out to dinner last night, and then to a play. I lasted until the last ten minutes of the play, and then moved into a concussed glaze. That, ladies and gentleman, is a workable experience. I am no longer trapped in can’t-do, finding every action blocked by my physical and mental limitations.
The brain failing to record or retain information is one symptom of brain injury. I actually do not remember most of my time over the past year – at least prior to 2 1/2 months ago. I believe ghosts of experience are still there, however, hidden in my mind. I have a few notes to jog my memory, Mary to remind me of whole swaths of time I have forgotten, google calendar that I kept up through this experience.
The next two weeks I plan to write every day, striving to capture my past before it is gone. I might not publish much, but I will be thinking and working on my story. Wish me luck.